⚔️ Premium Revolutionary Tools ⚔️
Handcrafted instruments of democratic expression since 1789
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The Aristocrat's Nightmare™
BEST SELLER
Our flagship pitchfork, hand-forged by artisans who remember the old ways. Each tine is individually tempered for maximum durability and symbolic impact.
Technical Specifications:
- Length: 6 feet (perfect mob visibility)
- Weight: 4.5 lbs (balanced for extended carrying)
- Material: High-carbon steel, ash wood handle
- Tines: 5 surgical-grade prongs
- Finish: Rust-resistant black oxide
- Handle: Ergonomic grip with leather wrap
$299.99
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The Eternal Flame™
ECO-FRIENDLY
Professional-grade torch engineered for maximum visibility and burn time. Used by protest organizers worldwide.
Technical Specifications:
- Burn time: 6-8 hours continuous
- Visibility: 3 mile radius in clear conditions
- Fuel: Proprietary bio-resin compound
- Handle: Heat-resistant composite
- Wind resistance: Up to 40mph
- Safety features: Drip guard, flame arrestor
$149.99
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The Bastille Breaker™
HEAVY DUTY
When regular pitchforks won't suffice. Reinforced for serious infrastructure disagreements.
Technical Specifications:
- Length: 7 feet
- Weight: 8 lbs
- Material: Forged titanium alloy
- Tines: 7 diamond-hard points
- Special feature: Integrated bottle opener
- Warranty: Lifetime (or until revolution succeeds)
$599.99
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The Bourgeoisie Bundle™
COMPLETE SET
Everything needed for a proper expression of civic dissatisfaction. Includes matching accessories.
Package Includes:
- 1x Aristocrat's Nightmare™ pitchfork
- 2x Eternal Flame™ torches
- Custom leather carrying straps
- "Uprising Etiquette" guidebook
- Commemorative 1789 medallion
- Free enrollment in Revolutionary Rewards™
$499.99
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The Versailles Special™
LUXURY EDITION
For the discerning revolutionary. Gold-plated accents ensure you revolt in style.
Exclusive Features:
- 24-karat gold plated tines
- Mahogany handle with pearl inlay
- Personalized engraving
- Velvet-lined display case
- Certificate of Revolutionary Authenticity
- Complimentary white glove delivery
$2,499.99
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The Peaceful Protestor™
BEGINNER FRIENDLY
Entry-level equipment for first-time revolutionaries. All the symbolism, half the weight.
Perfect For:
- Lightweight aluminum construction
- Retractable design for easy transport
- LED torch option (batteries included)
- Comfort grip handles
- Includes "My First Uprising" manual
- 30-day money back guarantee
$99.99