Handcrafted instruments of democratic expression since 1789
⚒️
The Aristocrat's Nightmare™
BEST SELLER
Our flagship pitchfork, hand-forged by artisans who remember the old ways. Each tine is individually tempered for maximum durability and symbolic impact.
Technical Specifications:
Length: 6 feet (perfect mob visibility)
Weight: 4.5 lbs (balanced for extended carrying)
Material: High-carbon steel, ash wood handle
Tines: 5 surgical-grade prongs
Finish: Rust-resistant black oxide
Handle: Ergonomic grip with leather wrap
$299.99
🔥
The Eternal Flame™
ECO-FRIENDLY
Professional-grade torch engineered for maximum visibility and burn time. Used by protest organizers worldwide.
Technical Specifications:
Burn time: 6-8 hours continuous
Visibility: 3 mile radius in clear conditions
Fuel: Proprietary bio-resin compound
Handle: Heat-resistant composite
Wind resistance: Up to 40mph
Safety features: Drip guard, flame arrestor
$149.99
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The Bastille Breaker™
HEAVY DUTY
When regular pitchforks won't suffice. Reinforced for serious infrastructure disagreements.
Technical Specifications:
Length: 7 feet
Weight: 8 lbs
Material: Forged titanium alloy
Tines: 7 diamond-hard points
Special feature: Integrated bottle opener
Warranty: Lifetime (or until revolution succeeds)
$599.99
🎭
The Bourgeoisie Bundle™
COMPLETE SET
Everything needed for a proper expression of civic dissatisfaction. Includes matching accessories.
Package Includes:
1x Aristocrat's Nightmare™ pitchfork
2x Eternal Flame™ torches
Custom leather carrying straps
"Uprising Etiquette" guidebook
Commemorative 1789 medallion
Free enrollment in Revolutionary Rewards™
$499.99
💎
The Versailles Special™
LUXURY EDITION
For the discerning revolutionary. Gold-plated accents ensure you revolt in style.
Exclusive Features:
24-karat gold plated tines
Mahogany handle with pearl inlay
Personalized engraving
Velvet-lined display case
Certificate of Revolutionary Authenticity
Complimentary white glove delivery
$2,499.99
🛡️
The Peaceful Protestor™
BEGINNER FRIENDLY
Entry-level equipment for first-time revolutionaries. All the symbolism, half the weight.
Perfect For:
Lightweight aluminum construction
Retractable design for easy transport
LED torch option (batteries included)
Comfort grip handles
Includes "My First Uprising" manual
30-day money back guarantee
$99.99
🛡️ The Revolutionary Guarantee™ 🛡️
All our products come with a lifetime warranty against defects in materials and workmanship.
If your pitchfork bends during peaceful assembly, we'll replace it free of charge.
*Does not cover damage from actual castle storming or time travel to 1789