The Revolution Will Be Well-Equipped

Serving the 99% Since Before It Was Cool
BROWSE OUR ARSENAL
💰 CEO-to-Worker Pay Ratio: 399:1 🏰 Billionaire Bunkers Built This Year: 47 📈 Wealth Gap: NEW RECORD! 🍞 Bread Prices: ↑ 15% 🎪 Circuses Provided: Insufficient ⚡ Popular Discontent Index: RISING

Featured Tools of the Trade

The Aristocrat's Nightmare™

ARTISAN CRAFTED

Hand-forged carbon steel pitchfork with ergonomic ash handle. Perfectly balanced for both agricultural work and dramatic castle-storming gestures.

$299.99

The Eternal Flame™

PREMIUM ILLUMINATION

Professional-grade torch with long-lasting hemp wrap and our proprietary slow-burn resin. Visible from penthouses up to 3 miles away.

$149.99

The Full Revolutionary Set

BEST VALUE

Everything you need for a proper demonstration of civic engagement. Includes matching pitchfork, torch, and complimentary "Eat the Rich" cookbook.

$399.99

Revolutionary Merchandise

"Trickle Down This" T-Shirt

Premium cotton blend with our iconic pitchfork logo. Available in "Proletariat Black" and "Guillotine Red".

$34.99

"1789 World Tour" Hoodie

Commemorating history's greatest hits. Features dates from the French Revolution, October Revolution, and "Coming Soon: TBD"

$59.99

Executive Stress Ball

Shaped like a tiny golden parachute. Squeeze away your economic anxiety!

$19.99

What Our Customers Say

"The quality is incredible! My great-great-grandfather's pitchfork from 1848 finally has a worthy successor."
- Jacques P., Paris
"Bought these for our neighborhood watch program. The gated community next door seems much more interested in income redistribution now!"
- Sarah M., Silicon Valley
"As a hedge fund manager, I bought several sets. Better to be prepared, you know? The craftsmanship is actually quite exquisite."
- Anonymous, Wall Street